Eighteen and a Beauty Queen
by Can't Decode Me
Summary: Beauty Queen of only 18She had some trouble with herselfHe was always there to help herShe always belonged to someone else.Renee Dies Bella moves and starts to date Edward but on her first day she sees the boy who broke her heart Better SUM inside...
1. The Nicest Thing

**Beauty Queen of only Eighteen, **

**She had some trouble with herself, **

**He was always there to help her **

**She always belonged to someone else.**

**Ok I hope you guys enjoy! This story has been in my head for a while and I thought I would give it a go. Please let me know what you think this is gonna be a short story so maybe 3-4 chapters. Please please please review! I really really really want feed back if I should continue with this. **

**Thank you for all the support. **

**I don't own twilight or the lyrics. **

All I know is that you're so nice.

_You're the nicest thing I've seen. _

_I wish that we could give it a go. _

_See if we could be something. _

Moving here with Charlie for my senior year was the greatest idea with everything that had been happening, but now that I look back at it, I can't decide whether that decision was still the best... At least, not at the moment. Sitting in my mom's old car with tears streaming down my face wasn't really how I wanted to spend my Saturday morning. For some reason my life had always been a magnet for something whether it be danger, injury, heartbreak, or drama. I wish my life were a little more normal but when life gives you lemons... _Bombay Bicycle Club_ played quietly through the car while I was parked in a secluded parking lot of a nature trail my mother took me on as a child before we moved to Sunny Arizona.

I closed my eyes and began to murmur the soothing lyrics to myself, "_Can you wake me up, can you wake me up? Is it late enough, is it late enough? There's a story in which my eyes are shut_."

I sat back in my worn leather seat of my beat up Mini Cooper just thinking, remembering...watching the events to lead me to this shitty situation.

It was really only a week after we moved into our cozy little house that I met Edward. His dad Carlisle Cullen, the rich famous doctor in the town of Forks, happens to be known worldwide for his work. Edward, along with his mother Esme, was in the library as I was attempting to apply for a job. Everyone was staring at me since the moment I walked in there but only the Cullens were nice enough to actually introduce themselves, that's how this small town worked-everyone knew each other. They were sweet and helpful, I really appreciated how human they made feel verses the five other people in there staring at me like an animal behind thick glass.

Soon Edward's trips to the library became more frequent and we began to really get to know each other. He was the star quarterback of the football team and set to be valedictorian of this year's graduating class. We discussed my move to Forks and my home in Arizona and my dad's new job, how I was liking it in Forks. When he finally got the nerve to ask me on a date I happily agreed, he was perfect. He made my heart race and took my breath away, his gorgeous face was pretty nice too. It helped that he looked at me like I was one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen. I was only ever looked at that way once before him...

We had a great summer together and grew close, I was looking forward to starting school with not only a friend but a boyfriend. My problems though started my first day of school, when I saw _him_... That's when everything started. My mind began to drift back to him more and more frequently as school progressed especially sharing an art class together. Edward began to notice a change in me, and I think because he didn't realize, he thought it was because of my mother. Although I wish she were here to comfort me, I was drowning in guilt with unfinished business.

_Someone come and, someone come and save my life_

_Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead_

_But now it's like the night is taking sides_

_With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind_

_Could it be this misery will suffice?_

With my eyes closed, I thought back to my first day of school which wasn't hard since it was only two weeks ago.

Edward and I walked hand in hand into the cafeteria and I smiled as we sat down with Emmett and his girlfriend Rose.

"So Bella what brings you to Forks?"

"My dad is the new police chief," I giggled.

"Bella Swan" Emmett asked wide eyed. "Way to go Eddie now we can't have wild parties!" he teased.

Edward just smiled wrapping his arms around me. "That's fine by me."

We all laughed and started eating. I looked around the cafeteria and I saw someone I hadn't seen in almost two years. His blond hair still fell messily over his face while his dark blue eyes shined. He still wore that old wallet chain and had the same tattoo across the side of his hand... Edward twirled my hair bringing me back to reality. He looked at me.

"Are you ok?"

I smiled and nodded. "Yeah I just dazed off for a second."

Edward kissed my forehead and as I looked across the room I watched every muscle tense in _his_ body. He nodded to the blonde next to him kissing her cheek before getting up and walking out of the cafeteria.

I smiled at Edward and told him I was going to go to bathroom. I walked out of the cafeteria, with no clue to what I was doing and ran a hand through my hair as I started to walk down the hallway.

"That was always my favorite thing to do," I heard him tease behind me.

I turned around quickly staring up at his 6'5" height. I smiled softy.

"Of course it was."

He smiled and twirled a lock of hair between his fingers before tucking it behind my ear. I blushed and he smiled slightly before he went serious.

"I know I don't deserve it, but can't I get a hug? It's been too long Belly."

I laughed, despite our situation and our history, standing my toes as his arms wrapped around my waist picking me up. My arms locked around his neck, holding him close longer than a friendly hug should go for. He sighed as he set me down but pulled me close to his chest. His scent was still calming and my memory did it no justice. I began to pull away slowly when we heard a voice behind us.

"Bella?"

I looked behind Jasper and Edward's voice pulled me back out of our own little word. Jasper cleared his throat before turning around to face Edward.

"Jasper?"

"Hey..." he trailed before glancing down at me with a knowing look.

"Um Edward..." I started.

"Hey Bells I'll see you later okay? We need to catch up..."

I nodded as I watched him walk away leaving the awkward air between my boyfriend and I. Looking at Edward, I bit my lip before he started talking.

"That was interesting."

"Jasper used to be my best friend before he moved to apparently here. We lost contact when he left."

Edward nodded shoving his hands in his pockets. I sighed and walked closer to him wrapping my arms around his neck. Slowly his hands wrapped around me holding me close kissing my forehead.

"I'm sorry I'm off," he murmured. "but I can't stand the thought of another guy's arms around you, especially someone... Especially someone I'm not sure what kind of relationship you've had."

I hugged him close. "There is nothing to worry about."

When I told him that I was telling the truth, to be honest I was mad at Jasper. He had hurt me when he left. Now though, what I said has no meaning. I took a deep breath as I got out of the car with my iPod in hand and headed toward the pathway. The air was chilly and smelled so fresh after the rain. The green grass glistened around me as the now shining sun beamed down. I only wish I knew how long that would last.

"_No, I'm not color blind. I know the world is black and white. Try to keep an open mind, but I just can't sleep on us tonight. Stop this train, I wanna get off and go home again. I can't take the speed it's moving in._" I sang looking up at the trees.

I walked until I got to a secluded spot under the trees, away from everyone; not that anyone was here though. I sat on an old fall tree trunk and just let the music absorb around me. My black worn Docs kicked at the leaves, making them crunch underneath them. I wanted this second to just last a life time. Just me to my thoughts with my fully charged iPod. Soon _Eminem_ came on, rapping _Love the Way You Lie _and I hummed to the beat. The breeze began to chill me through my black leggings and bright blue worn hoodie. I brought my legs to my chest and sobbed quietly. I missed mom so much. I wish she were here just to hold me. It wasn't fair, she died before she could even see me graduate, or help me get ready for prom.

Then I felt two warm arms wrap around me. I would've jumped but these arms were so familiar that I moved closer into them, embracing their warmth and gentleness. His hand just stroked my hair softly, murmuring sweet nothings to me until I stopped crying. His cold lip ring off set his warm lips that kissed my forehead before he let go of me.

"Bella," Jasper murmured, looking down at me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I just have a lot on my mind."

"I guess I'm not helping," he said looking at the ground, his worn Converse were sharpied and mud-stained.

I stood up and turned, I couldn't face him. "Jazz, it hurts. Its hurts seeing you every day now... When I see you, all I think of is that night you left. It hurts seeing you because I fought so hard to get over you and be brave while Mom was dying."

I heard him sigh as he stood up.

"Bella... I'm so sorry. I... What I did was horrible and I regret it every day. That week was the worst week of my life, I just couldn't face you. You deserved so much better."

"Jasper..." I started.

"But what did you expect me to do Bella?" he asked looking down at me, "Charlie hates me. He can't find one thing to like about me."

I bit my lip and just stared into his blue eyes.

"A proper good bye would've been nice at least. Not you telling me you're leaving until the day you had to go."

He sighed and ran a hand through his messy blonde hair.

"How could I face you? How could I tell you it wasn't gonna work?"

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around myself.

"At least you're happy now. With Maria..."

I looked toward the wet grass. How long had it been just me and him? It's been two years... The trees around us were our only company with the birds. He surprised me when he wrapped his hands around me. Pulling me close. I couldn't help but hug him back.

"I loved you Bella. I really did. When I left I left my heart with you. I'm not happy. I haven't been happy since I left. When I see your smile in the hallway that is what makes me happy. To know that you are finally back here with me. But it pains me to know your with... Him. Him of all people. The perfect guy. Everyone knows it. He's rich, well brought up, the football star...how could I compete with that? But you deserve it Bella. You deserve him and so much more."

I kept shaking my head. "I deserved you. I wanted you."

"Bella you can do so much better than me. You're _doing_ so much better than me."

I hugged him closer to me, nuzzling my face into his chest. His hand stroked my hair softly.

"I love you," I murmured.

He pulled back slowly looking into my eyes and his hand caressed my cheek gently. Slowly he moved closer and I reached up on my toes so our lips met. I missed his sweet lips and cold lip ring against mine. I missed how he knew what he wanted and went for it and how even though he was dominant he was soft and loving. He pulled away slowly leaving small kisses one at a time. He left his forehead against mine and smiled slightly before he pulled completely away leading me back to my car in a silent walk. I knew it was coming but I didn't want it to.

Getting into my car he leaned down and kissed me once more.

"Good Bye Bella,"

"Good Bye Jasper."

**Thank you sooo much for reading! Please review! I really want to know what you think and if I should post the next chapter... Thanks again... Sorry if there are typos and such that I missed. **

**Songs (In Order) : She will be loved by Maroon 5, Nicest Thing by Kate Nash, How can you swallow so much sleep by Bombay Bicycle Club, Sleeping Sickness by Colour and City, Stop this train by John Mayer. **


	2. She will be loved

**Thank you guys so much for the support, please review tell me what you think I really want the feed back. I hope you enjoy this, I apologize for the typos that I missed. **

JPOV

I close my eyes thinking to a time before all the shit started. I thought I was doing the right thing when I left. I thought I was doing the right thing for both of us, but I guess I wasn't. I was a coward; I couldn't stand to face her after what Charlie said to me. He was right, she deserved better and now she does. She has the perfect guy, but I wish I could be that guy. No, I don't want to be Edward but I want to the guy she deserves and better. I sit back lazily on the leather couch of my parents' reading room with my guitar. Of course they weren't home. Dad was on tour and mom was at one of those army wife meetings. I pluck quietly with a smile as I play a song I haven't played in a while. Closing my eyes I think of the first time anyone had ever heard it.

I wrapped my arms around her waist pulling her bare back close to my chest. Her scent engulfed me as my chin rested on her shoulder. That musical giggle filled the air as I kissed and sucked her sweet neck. She leaned against me comfortably and smiled.

"Mr. Whitlock, what on earth do you think you're doing?" she teased.

I chuckled softly, running my fingers up her side. "Don't act all innocent, you know what you were doing."

"What exactly was that?" she asked turning to face.

My beautiful innocent Darlin' had turned into a gorgeous sexy Bella. She was always sexy to me, but this... She stood in front of me with only jeans and her black lace bra on and she was irresistible. I brought her lips to mine and pulled her closer than before so that I could feel her everywhere. She giggled and moaned as I picked her up, carrying her to my bed.

"_My pressure on her hips,_" I murmured to her. "_Sinking in my fingertips, into every inch of you, 'cause I know that's what you want me to do._"

She bit her lip and looked at me. "_This love has taken its toll on me,_" she sang quietly knowing the tune of my on going song.

I smiled and kissed her deeply. "I love you."

I open my eyes to the sound of the doorbell. I fell asleep and dreamed of one of the best nights of my life. Getting up stiffly and running a hand through my hair I answered the door to find Bella standing there soaking wet. Without thinking I pulled her into my arms out of the rain. She was freezing as I held her to my chest.

"What are you doing here?"

"I... Promise me you wont fight."

I sighed and shook my head. "Bella, I wouldn't unless he started it..."

She shook her head. "Why does this happen to me? This is all my fault."

"Bella," I murmured, and when she didn't look at me I said, "Isabella."

Her teeth bit down on her plump bottom lip as she looked up at me. "This isn't your fault. Okay? This is just... It's just two stupid boys with egos."

She gave a slight smile before pulling away from me. I felt so empty as she stood in front of me. I wish we could go back to how it was before. How it was every moment her skin was in contact with mine, and that smile was only for me and those lips only kissed my lips no one else's. There was a silence between us, it wasn't awkward just silent. One of us fighting back the words we really want to say. _Tap on my window, knock on my door. I want to make you feel beautiful. I know I tend to get so insecure but it doesn't matter anymore. My heart is full and my door's always open. You can come anytime you want._

"Why did you break up with Maria?" Bella asked finally.

I realized we were still standing in the hallway and invited her before I answered that question. I should've known she'd want answers. I sighed as I sat down.

"I had planed on breaking up with her the day you got here, but with what happened with... Edward in the hallway. I waited. Monday morning was the first time I had seen her all weekend because she was busy and I just couldn't pretend any longer. I know that makes me sound like a complete asshole, but I caused trouble with either way I would've done it. Edward still saw what I did and what Maria said didn't help our situation."

"Do you think she really saw us?" Bella whispered looking down.

"I don't know Bella. If she did I'm so sorry..." I said standing up.

Pacing, I looked out the window instead of at Bella. "What I did was unacceptable, I shouldn't have done it. I was selfish. I let my own feelings get ahead of the situation. It won't-"

"_I_ kissed _you_," she said stubbornly.

I shook my head. "Bella, you wouldn't have kissed me if I didn't say what I did."

I walked closer to her and moved my face close to hers. "You wouldn't have kissed me if I hadn't moved this close."

Her eyes were focused on my lips and I could see her concentrating on how to breathe. It made my heart to soar to know I could still do this to her. I made the wrong decision to be unacceptable again as I kissed her. Moving my hand to cup her cheek. Her arms wrapped around my neck and her fingers tugged my hair. My other hand caressed her back under her damp t shirt. I let her control this kiss, if she wanted to stop I'd let her. She surprised me when I felt her pull me to the couch. We broke only for a second as I laid her down slowly looking into her eyes. She pulled me down on to her with slight hesitation. I kissed her slowly holding myself up.

"Jazz," she moaned.

I kissed her neck letting her catch her breath. Her sweet skin felt hot and I knew what we were doing was wrong, but she needed me, otherwise she wouldn't be here. And I was too selfish to let her go.

"I love you," I whispered as I moved my lips to hers.

Her trembling fingers pushed my shirt up my body until I broke away to pull it off. She glared playfully as she saw my black muscle shirt underneath which she missed.

"You and those shirts," she said.

I smiled. "I know you just want to rip my clothes off B."

She laughed kissing my jaw. "This is so wrong you know," she murmured.

"I know," I sighed, looking down at her beautiful face.

I started to pulling away but she held me where I was. "Just kiss me Jazz. Please, just...please."

I caressed her cheek before pushing my lips to hers. This time I didn't intend to stop. She sat up to take off her hoodie and it somewhere joined the floor with my shirt. My hand hitched her leg around my waist pulling her closer, letting her feel what she was doing to me. She gasped against my skin and I groaned into her neck.

She pulled her shirt up over her head and I stared down at her gorgeous body. Her navy blue bra against her creamy skin looked delicious. I started to caress her bare stomach and move my lips down her neck then I heard the front door open. Bella looked at me wide eyed as I heard my mom.

"Jasper?" she called.

Thank God I left the kitchen light on. I heard her heels click against the wood floors as she walked into the kitchen. The opposite direction of the study. I couldn't help but laugh as I threw my shirt at Bella and folded up her wet ones.

"Yeah mom?" I called back.

Bella sat on the couch next to me trying to braid her wet messy hair as I stood up meeting my mom in the door way running a hand through my hair. Mom gave me a small hug and looked in to see Bella sitting there.

"Isabella Swan," my mom drawled with a smile walking to the couch.

Bella smiled. My mother always loved Bella and Bella always got along with her. I leaned against the doorframe as they talked.

"Its been too long Miss." Mom says hugging Bella.

Bella laughed and nodded. Embracing my mother, then I saw that one tear slip...

"It has Mrs. Whitlock."

"Now hush, you know it's Annie," Mom winked.

"Want me to get you a tea mom?" I asked bringing her attention back to me momentarily.

"That would be lovely Jasper and have you offered Bella anything?"

I smiled and rubbed my neck. "Can I get you something Bells?"

"Whatever your mom is having would be nice, thank you." She said politely with a blush.

I walked into the kitchen and leaned against the counter waiting for the water boil. I couldn't believe one second I was about to make love to Bella on the couch and the next mom is sitting on the same couch catching up on lost time with the same girl. I closed my eyes savoring the taste of her in my mouth and the feeling of her body against mine knowing she'll regret what we did. I poured two cups of my mom's favorite tea and brought it back to my girls while taking a seat in the leather chair across from them.

They both looked at me and I just smiled. "Am I interrupting?"

Bella giggled. "No of course not."

Mom smiled. "Bella was just telling me about how's liking it here, and obviously not the rain since the poor girl is soaked! What did you do make her stand outside for an hour?"

"No!" I started. "Did I? I mean I just woke up when I heard the doorbell."

Bella shook her head. "No, you answered it right away. Don't worry."

"See?" I said to mom with a playful smile.

"How's Michael doing?" Bella asked quietly, she was always sensitive.

My mom smiled and patted her leg. "Michael's on another Tour, but he'll be home soon."

"Well, that's good," Bella said looking at me before down at her tea cup.

Mom looks between us, "I feel like I've interrupted something myself."

Bella and I both shook our heads. "No not at all mom. Bella just came over to talk. Just checking up since Maria and I broke up?"

Mom rolled her eyes. "I never liked that girl-"

"Here we go," I added leaning back.

"Well, it's true she was too wishy washy. Always giggling and hanging off of him like he was a piece of meat. If your father was home."

I rolled my eyes as Bella smiled. "He's too good for her anyway."

"That's what I said," mom said. "You were by far the best girlfriend he had in my eyes."

I completely leaned back in my chair staring up at the ceiling. I heard Bella laugh.

"Thank you Annie, that's really sweet."

"So are you single? Or do you have someone special?"

"I have a boyfriend at the moment." Bella answered quietly.

"I bet he doesn't like that you're visiting an old boyfriend," mom teased patting Bella's leg.

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him," Bella smiled. "Edward understands that Jasper is still my best friend."

"Edward? Edward Cullen?" Mom asked.

"Yes, I met him during the summer when I moved here."

"Well, Miss you sure do catch the eyes of the good lookers." Mom winked.

"Mom!" I groaned.

They both laughed at me. I can't believe I was listening to this. Mom sighed and stood up fixing her shirt.

"I'll let you two finish your conversation. Be good now and Bella don't be shy stop by any time."

"Thanks Annie," Bella smiled as Mom left the room.

We could hear her humming in the kitchen and I rolled my eyes with a smile.

"Would you like to go upstairs, so she isn't snooping?"

Bella laughed and nodded. I took her hand gently leading her to my room. Bella automatically sat down on my bed and looked around. I stood by the window and just watched her soak it in. Her eyes settled on my book shelf and she looked away quickly. I cleared my throat, turning on some background music. I didn't realize I had a random demo in. _I'm knocking down buildings. Searching high and low, looking for a feeling. Just one more time before I go._

Bella just looked up at me with a small smile. "I forgot how much I missed your mom."

I smiled sitting next to her. "She missed you too. It would really mean a lot if you stopped by to see her, especially since...dad's gone."

She nodded picking up my tattooed hand. Passion was written in her handwriting from my wrist to my thumb. I felt a tear hit my skin and I embraced her. Pulling her small frame close to me, hugging her to my chest.

"Jasper... There is just too much...too much shit going on!" she cried.

I hushed her stroking her long choppy chocolate hair. "Bella everything is gonna be okay. It will all work out."

"There's mom and dad and you and Edward and Maria and us..." she went on.

"Hey," I said. "Don't worry about me or Maria. Do you care about _him_?"

She nodded with a sniffle. "Yes, I care about him a lot."

"That's all that matters. You're with him not me and he cares about you as well. There is no need to worry."

"Jazz, we almost had sex on your couch," she murmured. "I'm so awful."

"Bella it was my fault. _I_ kissed _you_." I said.

It hurt to hear this. It hurt to hear that she care about him a lot. That she still wanted to be with him after what happened this afternoon. And the way she said it...made it sound like it was a pointless fuck. Maybe it was to her...Maybe I let my feelings get ahead of myself. She looked up at me with those deep brown eyes and kissed me softly.

"I love you Jasper."

I laid her down and kissed her again, hardly and passionately knowing it was my only chance to do so. I couldn't stand to let her regret anything. So I was going to remove myself from the problem.

"Bella I will always love you."

We curled up in bed and I hugged her close. Every once in a while she would kiss my neck and I would run my fingers up her side slowly. She was perfect, and I wanted her. So bad in every way. If only she could see what she did to me, she would understand.

"_'Cause your souls not mine and I'd like to get back to her. Everybody's talk about just how far she'll go. Am I blind to see, what my ears will hear and my heart should already know? No more talking. I'll pretend you're gonna say those words. I'm not listening. Unless you show me the way that I can back to her._" I sung quietly to her.

Her breathing slowed as she curled into my chest more. I smiled as I looked at her sleeping form, but the sound of her phone buzzing annoyed me. I quickly grabbed it so she wouldn't hear it, and I knew it wasn't my business to look but I did anyway.

**Hey Love call me. Havent seen u all day. **

I set the phone down and just gazed down at the angel in my arms. I don't remember when but I fell asleep along with Bella. It was a peaceful black sleep. No dreams, no nightmares, just sleep. I woke up to the soft voice of Bella giggling.

"Jazz, wake up."

I opened my eyes and looked around. Bella smiled at me messing up my hair.

"It's a good thing I know you two are just friends otherwise there would be some explaining to do."

"With our clothes on and a made bed?" I teased sitting up.

"Don't be smart," mom smiled.

Bella blushed while bitting her lip. "Sorry Annie."

"No worries Miss. Would you like to stay for dinner, I've made plenty?"

Bella nodded with a smile. "That would be great, thank you."

I wish I could freeze today and make it last forever. To have her forever, but I know that won't happen. At the end of the day she will go home, call Edward and he will be the one to say good night, and he'll be the one who sneaks over to steal that midnight kiss. I smiled tightly as she looked at me.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded hugging her softly. "Yeah, I'm great."

I guess for now I'll just lie to keep her happy.

_Beauty Queen of only eighteen_

_She had some trouble with herself_

_He was always there to help her_

_She always belonged to someone else_

_It's not always rainbows and butterflies_

_It's compromise that moves us along_

_My heart is full and my door's always open._

_You can come anytime you want._

I thought to myself... She will be loved.

**Thank you guys so much for reading! I'll have another chapter posted soon thank you! Please REVIEW! **


	3. This Love

**Thank you guys sooo much for the support. The reviews mean a lot! Ok so this is the final chapter to E&BQ I hope you guys enjoy it, and let me know what you think about having me write shorter stories like this? OK you guys are amazing! Enjoy it! (Sorry for any typos I missed) **

BPOV

His strong hand pulled my leg around his waist, letting me feel him. Showing me what I was doing to him, as he kissed and sucked my neck. I gasped as I felt him, moving against him, and a groan rose from his throat. I slowly pulled my shirt over my head and he looked at me like I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He looked at me like I was his and only his, and it seemed like only one word went through his head as he stared at me. _Mine_. His warm hand caressed my side, while I moved slightly to feel him closer. His lips sucked and nipped as my skin as he moved lower and lower toward my breasts. His lip ring exciting me even more than I already was.

"_You make me feel like I'm losing my virginity. The first time every time when you're touching me. Always on the brink of a heart attack. You keep me alive and keep me coming back. I see the sun rise in your eyes, your eyes. We got a future full of blue skies, blue skies._" I sang looking down at my journal.

Suddenly there was a knock at my window, and my heart began to flutter at who I wanted it to be, but it started the conflict between my heart and my head. I opened my window and smiled as Edward climbed through. Without a word he came over and kissed me, it was softly and gentle but I could tell he wanted more when I pulled away.

"I missed you today," he murmured, tucking my hair behind my ear.

I smiled giving him a hug and kissing his neck. "Missed you too."

He looked around and noticed my journal on the corner of my bed. "A journal Miss. Swan?" he teased.

I bit my lip before laughing slightly. "Yes," I said picking it up and putting it away. "but you can't read it."

"And why is that?" he asked as he laid down on my bed.

I crawled into bed next to him, snuggling up to his chest. "It's private stuff."

He sighed and stroked my hair and every once in a while his fingers would slowly move up and down my arm. I hated how close this was to Jasper and I this afternoon, I hated how I had to fight back the thoughts of comparing Edward to Jasper. I just closed my eyes and breathed in Edward's calming scent.

"What did you do today?" he asked.

"I just hung out. You?" I bit my lip, hoping I wouldn't have to elaborate, but I knew that I would.

"I had practice in the morning and then I hung out with the guys since my girlfriend was too busy."

I smiled. "I'm glad you had a good day."

"So who did you hang out with since you were too busy to text me back," he teased.

"It wasn't like that," I stared, but in all truth it sort of was. "I spent the morning around the house and then around lunch I went over to a friend's house to hang out and I had dinner there and then I came home."

"Sounds like fun," he said. "Which friend?"

I hesitated because I knew he'd be upset. "I went to Jasper's house."

His hand completely stopped as I said that. I sat up and leaned against the wall, just watching him. I could see it in his face, he was annoyed and frustrated, and I felt awful doing this to him. I bit my lip and ran a hand through my hair.

_Am I here in vain?_

_Did you not hear a word I said_

_When I asked you I begged you_

_To just please let me through_

_I have fallen now_

_Will you pick me up again_

_In the face of my failures?_

Dave Nadolski's voice filled my room as he hit the chorus of _In Vain_. I got up to turn it down and then Edward sat up. I wish he could just trust me, even if Jasper and I kissed, he should be able to trust me with my best friend. I looked at him, biting my lip.

"We talked when I was there, we just hung out like we used to." I said.

"And you stayed for dinner? Like a date?" Edward asked, his tone was hard.

"Edward, his mom cooked dinner and invited me stay. I haven't seen her in like two years. When I was at Jasper's I didn't just talk to him, I talked to Annie too. She's the closest thing I have right now to any kind female figure."

He sighed and rubbed his neck. "This fell out of your locker Friday after school."

He handed me a picture I had taped in my journal. It was the same picture I saw yesterday on Jasper's book shelf. It was my sixteenth birthday and we had spent the day together at the skatepark and in around downtown Phoenix. This picture though was taken in his backyard by Michael. Jasper held me up around my waist and my forehead rested against his. We had the biggest smiles, it was truly a Kodak Moment. I went straight to my journal and flipped through until I found the missing gap it was from. I don't even know how it fell out.

"This picture doesn't look like you were just friends." He said looking down at it.

I sighed and took it from his hands. "Jasper and I dated for our sophomore year before he moved. We were best friends. We were those friends who dated because we needed to try it?"

"If he hadn't moved," Edward started. "Do you think you still would've been together?"

I sighed sitting next to him. "I honestly don't know. I used to like to think so, but Dad didn't like him. He thought Jasper was bad news with the lip ring and getting tattoos...at least that's what Jasper told me and it makes sense. When we broke up it was awful. We hadn't talked in a week and then the day he finally talked to me, was the day he was leaving."

Edward stood up and sighed. "I need to think."

I nodded quietly and he headed to my door since he noticed Dad wasn't home. His hand touched the door knob and he looked back at me.

"Just one thing, did you guys do anything today?"

I stared at the floor before I looked at him. "We kissed," I started as Edward turned to leave.

"I knew it was wrong and we stopped. Edward please."

"I'll see you tomorrow at school," he murmured before walking out.

After he left I sat in bed and cried. I was an awful person. I was a liar and a cheat and I couldn't make up my own damn mind. I got up and stumbled my way to the bathroom. I sat on the cool tile floor and reached under the sink pulling out the blade I promised myself I would never use again. Times have changed and I need my release, I can't do this any more. The pain will distract me and protect me from myself. I quietly sang to myself as I stared down at my pale arm and saw the barely there scars that cursed my wrists. I took in a deep breath and slide the cool blade across my wrist feeling it's sting and my tears fell mixing with the blood of my cut. Quickly grabbing a towel I leaned back against the bathtub.

"_Help I have done it again. I have been here many times before. Hurt myself again today, and the worst part is there's no one else to blame."_ I sang and sniffed. "_Ouch I have lost myself again, lost myself and I am nowhere to be found. Yeah I think that I might break. Lost myself again and I feel unsafe."_

I pulled away the towel and stared at my wrist. The bleeding had died down and I walked back to my room like a zombie, dazed and upset. I crawled into bed and cried for my mom, for my dad, for Jasper, for Edward. Sleep somehow found me through my tears and pulled me into the black abyss of the night.

"You promise?" I asked, looking at him through my new glasses.

"I promise, you look great. They suit you." His honey voice murmured.

I shook my head and stared into my bathroom mirror. "No, they don't!" I groaned.

He sighed and stepped closer, pressing my back to his chest. He moved my hair slowly trying to kiss my neck and his warm breath tickled and danced across my skin.

"They make you look sexy," he murmured after another kiss. "Can't you feel what you're doing to me?"

I turned in his arms, biting my lip. "Jasper..."

He kissed me deeply, passionately and I wrapped my arms around his neck trying to pull him close in every way. He pulled away slowly only for a moment as he removed my new glasses from my face, before kissing me again.

"The only problem is," he murmured against my skin as he kissed down my neck. "they distract from your gorgeous eyes."

He pulled away and looked at me, as if memorizing the features of my face. I kissed him again softly this time, not heated or lustful, but lovingly. His lips moved against mine slowly and his hands came up to either side of my face caressing my skin and his fingers weaving in my hair. He pulled away stroking my hair and kissed my forehead.

"I love you Isabella Swan."

I looked into his deep blue eyes and smiled. "I love you Jasper Whitlock."

_Beep. Beep. Beep._I woke up to Dad's alarm that he forgot to shut off before he left for work last night. I ran a hand through my hair as I walked to shut it off. I stared down at my wrist as I walked back to my room noticing it bled more as I slept. I crawled back into the warm safety of my bed and waited until my alarm went off, signaling I needed to start my personal hell. P!nk's voice blared through my room. I sung along to the familiar lyrics of _Who Knew_.

"_If someone said three years from now you'd be long gone_

_I'd stand up and punch them out_

_Because they're all wrong and_

_That last kiss I'll cherish until we meet again_

_And time makes it harder_

_I wish I could remember_

_But I keep you memory_

_You visit me in my sleep_

_My darling, who knew_

_My darling I miss you_"

I sniffed and headed to the shower. I need something to wake me up. The hot water ran down my body waking up my muscles and cleaned my cut. I quickly got out and put on my dark faded skinny jeans and an old baggy t shirt that I tied at the side. I pulled on my worn navy blue zip up hoodie over the grey shirt and sighed. I didn't want to bother today with how I looked, and despite my dream I threw my black Ray Bans on. Grabbing my bag and my keys I left for school early without breakfast. I just wanted this day to end, I might even just leave early. I parked near the front of the school and stepped out into the freezing mist. _Great I forgot my jacket._ I pulled my hood up and headed toward the overhang but before I could get there I felt a jacket fall over my shoulders.

I jumped slightly and saw Jasper shrug with a concerned look on his face. I shrugged into his big leather jacket thankful for its warmth. I wrapped my arms around myself trying to warm up. It was so cold this time of year and I knew Jasper was uncomfortable as he wrapped his arms around me pulling me into the building trying to warm me up.

"Are you crazy?" he asked looking at me as he pulled away. "It's freezing outside and you only have a hoodie on? An old thin one at that."

I pulled my hood down and looked at the floor. I couldn't bare to look into his eyes.

"I'm having an off morning... I'm sorry I forgot mine."

I heard him sigh as I stared down at his worn Docs and my wet Converse. He pulled me into a hug softly and I couldn't help my arms snaking around his torso. He stroked my hair softly.

"I'm sorry Bells... I just... I've just been so worried about you."

I pulled away and shivered again. Great, I'm going to be cold all day. "Don't be worry Jazz... Everything is fine."

His hand reached out slightly but instead he shoved them into his jean pockets. I bit my lip and fixed my glasses, looking up at him. We walked silently to my locker and people stared at us-me mostly-while I wore his jacket. I put some stuff away and took some stuff out, a fair trade and Jasper just leaned next to my locker casually.

"Mom wanted me to tell you she insisted that you come over for dinner again this week. She uh really misses you and um I swear she wishes she had a daughter more than a son," he teased nudging my arm.

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "Come on, you never caught on to that? Of course she loves me more than you."

He chuckled and took my glasses off my face holding them above my head. "That really hurts my feelings Bells," he teased, knowing I was basically blind without my glasses. "You should apologize and maybe then I can grant you your sight back."

I glared and crossed my arms. "Jasper Casey Whitlock, don't make me call your mama," I drawled in my best Southern accent.

He burst out laughing and I joined in realizing how stupid we were. "Hey now ma'am, I kindly asked for an apology."

God I loved his drawl.

I stood on my toes trying to reach with my glasses with no use and sighed. "I'm sorry," I grumbled.

He bent down closer to my face. "What was that?"

I bit back a smile. "I said I'm sorry!" I loudly stated in his ear.

He laughed and placed my glasses gently back on my face, tugging on my hair in a playful way.

"Now was that so hard?"

I punched his arm and giggled. "Thanks Jazz."

I gave him a small simple hug. His warm arms wrapped around me lightly.

"For what?" he asked as I pulled away.

"For making me feel better."

He nodded shoving his hands into his pockets. "You're welcome Bells. I have to go... I'll see you later. I... Make sure my jacket makes me it back to me eventually. I know how you like to keep my stuff." he winked at the end with a small smile before he walked away.

I felt so confused at what changed the mood so suddenly but when I turned around I saw Emmett and Edward glaring down the hallway at us. I took his jacket off and placed it in my locker, knowing I wouldn't have to leave the building until after lunch. I glanced back at Edward once, who was now walking toward me with Emmett and Rosalie, and walked away down the hallway toward my first class. I know I don't deserve to be mad at him after what I almost did with Jasper but I just couldn't handle this right now.

I knew I still had plenty of time until the first bell so I walked quickly toward the bathrooms, without even realizing I walked past Jasper. I was almost to the door when his hand locked around my wrist tightly. It wouldn't have hurt but because he grabbed hold of my cut wrist I hissed pulling away quickly. Tears went to my eyes, that were already there and fell down my face. He looked at me quickly and turned my arm over. I hesitated as he slowly pushed the hoodie sleeve up my arm showing him the pink scabbed cut across my pale skin.

His eyes locked with mine and I pulled away in shame. People weren't supposed to actually see them, they weren't supposed to know. I quickly turned and ran into the bathroom, locking the door to the stall I stood in. I put the lid down and curled up crying into my knees. Soon I heard the door opened and I heard a familiar voice. _Rose._

JPOV

My hands balled into fists as she ran into the bathroom. I punched the locker next to me and some people stared a little frightened as they walked by. I couldn't get the image out of my head. How fresh it was. Of course I had seen those cuts before, this wasn't the first time she had done it, she had done it before we even dated. I can't believe... I needed to see her, but it wasn't like I could march right in to the girl's bathroom. I took a deep breath before I walked in the direction of Edward. He was standing by Bella's locker with Emmett and his girlfriend Rosalie. Em and Rose were actually really cool people but when this whole thing started Emmett made it real clear whose side he was on.

They glared at me as I walked up and it was all I could do not to punch Edward in the face.

"What do you want Whitlock?" he sneered.

I rolled my eyes, completely ignoring him. "Rose, please you know I wouldn't come here unless I needed to. Please go to the bathroom and make her come out."

They all looked at me. "What happened?" Edward asked.

Again I ignored him and looked at Rose. "Rosalie, please. She's your friend."

She nodded and walked toward the bathrooms. "OK Jasper. I'll go check on her."

Once she was gone Edward hit my shoulder pushing me into the locker. "Now tell me what's wrong?"

"Maybe you would actually know, if you weren't such a jackass!" I growled moving away from him.

_"Promise me you won't fight..._" Bella's voice sounded through my head.

"Stay away from my girlfriend Jasper."

"Does it bother you? That she might actually be comparing you to me, because she was mine first?" I said looking at him.

He went to hit me but I moved out of the way, he was too predictable.

"You broke her when you left, you don't deserve her!" Ouch, that hurt.

"Edward, listen. She chose you didn't she? She obviously isn't with me and you're right I don't deserve her. I owe her and if I can be there for her in anyway you can't be I will."

"That doesn't sound so comforting to me."

I shrugged and he went to punch me but I caught his fist in my hand giving him a shove. "I promised her I wouldn't fight, so I'm gonna hold that promise. Treat her right, or I will finish what you attempted to start."

I walked away, through the circle of people that had formed and found Rose walking out with Bella. I walked up quickly and looked at her.

"Are you OK?" I asked, pulling her close for a hug.

She hugged me back, cuddling into my chest and I felt her form begin to shake again. I stroked her hair gently and looked at Rose.

"Thank you," I murmured.

She nodded with a small smile. "You better treat her right this time, or I'll have Emmett come and kick your ass."

I gave a small laugh and nodded. "I will. I don't make the same mistake twice."

Rose walked away and I just held Bella close. "You wanna get out of here?"

She nodded into my chest and held me close. We walked back toward her locker and luckily Rose had cleared the guys away. She grabbed my jacket and handed it to me, but I put it around her shoulders and held her close to my side. She seemed too upset to even think, I don't even think she would've cared if I kissed her in front of everyone. She stared down at her hands as we walked toward the doors. But our clean getaway just had to be ruined as Edward showed up seething.

"What the hell?" he growled.

I removed my arm from Bella and looked at her. She bit her lip and looked between us. This wasn't helping her at all. I sighed and looked at the ground.

"Edward," Bella murmured softly.

He looked at her, waiting. "Bella, what is this?"

"You needed your space last night, and now I need mine."

"This is what you call space?" he asked.

She bit her lip bouncing on the balls of her feet. "I need space from you."

Edward kind of took a step back. "I'm sorry about last night Bella... I truly am."

"I am too," she said, then she looked at me. "I need him right now...He's my space."

Edward looked defeated as she said that. "Bella please."

I touched her shoulder. "Bella I'm going home either way... If you leave or stay doesn't matter, just know I'm home OK?"

She bit her lip and nodded. "I'll see you later."

I walked away without a second glance and got into my truck. Turning it on Daughtry filled the air blaring.

_Can we make this something good?_

_Well, I'll try to do it right this time around._

_Let's start over._

_I'll try to do it right this time around._

_It's not over._

_'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground._

_This love is killing me,_

_But you're the only one._

_It's not over._

I groaned and turned it down heading home, hoping Bella will come to me later.

BPOV

I watched Jasper walk away and I sighed. Looking back at Edward Rose's voice rang through my head with what she said to me in the bathrooms.

_"He really cares about you, you know," she said. "Jasper I mean. I know I should be on Edward's side with this but I can see the way Jasper looks at you, and it's ten times stronger than how Edward does."_

I cared about Edward, he was perfect to me. He never gave me any reason to be mad at him or for any ill thought. I just couldn't fight back that feeling though. The feeling that I know I'm missing when I'm in his arms. With more time I could grow to love Edward, but would it even be the same as how I love Jasper? Edward looked at me.

"Bella, please. I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking last night. I was jealous and mad and...it doesn't excuse what I did."

"Edward," I murmured. "You deserve someone so much better than me. You deserve someone who is going to love you completely with their whole heart. I can't give you that. I am so broken right now."

"Bella, we can work at this," he said.

"That's not how it's supposed to be... You can't just work at it. It should feel right. Does it feel perfect to you?"

He remained silent. "Edward, you're a great guy. The perfect guy, every girl dreams of a guy like you."

"But I'm not your perfect guy." He stated.

I walked up slowly, giving him a small hug and kissed his cheek. "I don't deserve a perfect guy, but there is someone here who does."

With that I wiped away my tears and headed out the front doors of school to my car. I can't believe I just did that... My heart was pounding in my chest as the tears just kept rolling down my face. I headed to the only place I wanted to be. I pulled up the driveway seeing his black F.150 and ran up to the door, shivering at how cold it was with the rain falling harder than it was before.

The door opened slowly and Jasper looked shocked to see me.

"Bella?" he started, but my lips cut him off as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

He pulled me in the house and pushed me up against the now closed door. This kiss was passionate but not lustful. It was loving and passionate, and charged. The electricity from me burned my skin and I only hoped Jasper felt the same spark. He hitched my legs up around his waist and I pulled away slowly.

"I love you so much. It's always been you..." I gasped and he just looked at me.

His hand caressed my face before he kissed me again. "Bella I love you more than life itself. I would do anything to prove it. You are everything."

I kissed him again. "I'm so sorry," I cried. He stroked my hair and then cradled me in his arms. He carried me up stairs to his room where he laid me on the bed and let me curl up into his chest.

I cried and we talked and we kissed. Jasper was everything I could ask for and more, he knew everything about me, and knew everything I liked and needed. Soon Jasper started to kiss my neck and kiss up my jaw. I pulled him close to me, in every way I could. His hand hitched my leg and I groaned against his lips. He nipped and sucked my skin as I caught my breath and his hand moved up my side and pushed my shirt up my body to my bra. His lips moved hungrily to my exposed stomach and I just tugged on his hair, with nothing else to do, getting more and more frustrated with him. He smiled as his fingers played with the button on my jeans.

"Isabella," he murmured against my skin.

He was the only one who could say my full name without making me cringe. It came out like honey from his lips and it made my cheeks burn as they turned pink. He was such a tease as he moved back up to my lips kissing me. Then I got the same feeling I got as before when we first did this on the couch down stairs.

"Jasper... I can't... This... Not right after..." I managed.

He nodded into my neck. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "Now that you're mine, I just want you to myself. All of you. But you're right."

Then he kissed me once more, pushing me down against the bed. Suddenly there was a familiar clicking of heels.

"Jasper?" Annie called. "What are you doing home so early?"

He sighed against my skin before he rolled off of me. "Every time?"

I giggled and nodded before kissing him lightly. "Every time."

He fixed my shirt and stroked my hair before kissing me once more, "_This love has taken it's toll on me, her heart is breaking in front of me and I have no choice 'cause I won't say goodbye any more._"

I smiled. "I love you Jasper."

"I love you Bella..."

**Thanks again guys! Please, PLEASE review... I really REALLY want to know what you think about this one. Do you think I should do shorter stories like this? What did you think? please even if they are flames let me know! Thanks soo much for reading and supporting me without you guys I wouldn't be writing. **


	4. One night no strings attached

**Hey guys ok sorry I haven't been updating but I have written a two shot for you guys called One Night No Strings Attached. It's a Jasper/Bella story and I tried my shot at a lemon, so go check it out if you like and please tell me what you think. **

**Summary: Jasper, a soldier, meets Bella at a bar the night before he go on Tour. One night no strings attached Bella promises. One year later they meet again not knowing that he is actually Rose's brother. **

**Ok please check it out! It would mean a lot to me**

**-Can't Decode Me**


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